Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
