Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
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