She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
is that a dick in a sweater?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
