I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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