I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
