so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
