why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
