we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
