im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Need sex. Gaining weight.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
