you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
