How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize