Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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