Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
