I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
