??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
