It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
