Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
