Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
