I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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