My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
