we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I need moral support for this bender
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
