I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
