I accidentally burped into my bong.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I cut my penus on the lid.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
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