I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
