I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
