3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
