sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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