one two three fourrrrnication!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
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the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
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Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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