So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
