i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
