i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
