Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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