Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
