we're blogging at a bar
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
