i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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