At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
