So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
