I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
