I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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