Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
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