I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
