i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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