Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
