I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
