I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
