She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
