It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
