is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
