is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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