i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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