'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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