It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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