Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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