I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I think I am morally bankrupt
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
