He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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