I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
