as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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