A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
