honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
