i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
