im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
love makes seman taste better
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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