I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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