In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
