Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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