Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
