Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
