What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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