No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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