WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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