Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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