Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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