Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
