We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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