it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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