I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I need to sanitize my soul.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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