I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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