My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just invented taco cereal.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
