one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
